Finding My Rhythm

Yesterday, I started jogging again. It had been over 3 years since doing any cardio, aside from the cycling that I do around the city. What does this have to do with design or anything creative for that matter? Well, read on.

I thought that I could never be able to jog or run again. About 4 years ago I got severe nerve damage in my left foot, and had a tough time walking ... so I of course had to stop every other aerobic activity.

And for the past 3 years, I've feared aerobic activity because of what I used to connect it to in my head - I was only working out because I was trying to manage my weight. It was always an equation to me - ok I can have this cookie if I go on a run later. Convincing myself to not feel guilt because I'll make it equal out. I've been sitting in this fear - and staying away from the gym and my running shoes for years.

But lately I had this drive to want to run. I decided, after weeks of thought, to put on my 6 year old running shoes. I didn't want to run to feel better about myself physically - I simply want to try and clear my head and sink into the music - and to see where my feet took me.

I allowed myself to go really slow. I allowed myself to stop if I needed to. I kept telling myself that I wasn't supposed to go really fast or be good right away, or that I needed to run 20 miles - that if this activity made me feel good than I would get better, slowly.

When I started singing lessons, I totally sucked. But I practiced and practiced ... and one day, I heard singing. Then I realized that it was coming out of my mouth.

When I started school, I could barely draw. I practiced and practiced ... and one day, I looked down on my paper, and there was a beautiful drawing from my hand.

The point is - I'm not supposed to be perfect at anything the first time I try it. Inevitably though, if it's an activity that makes me feel good, I'll find my rhythm. Sometimes its slow, sometimes its fast. But most of the time, it just is. And damn it feels good.